You need to get your own man...

Just got off the phone with 5-0 B. Will consider going out with him next week, ah the lure of free drinks. Jill and I had a conversation the other night where she hit the nail right on the head: We are constantly dating down...and this needs to stop (except "Average Joe" coming soon to NBC). But how can it really? I mean isn't Paris Hilton dating the douchebag singer from Sum 41? Maybe it's just a law of nature that pretty girls love dorky guys...I submit my dating resume as exhibits A, B, C, D, E, F, etc. So how do I break the cycle? The coolest guy I know doesn't even reach my armpit.

The coolest guy I know... If you know me at all, you know this: I have no mothering instincts, and am not fond of tots. My cousin Luke is the one exception. He is 1+ and cannot speak intelligibly (bonus points for that!). However, he can say "Meaghan" with perfect enunciation (more bonus points). He is always happy, I've NEVER seen him cry. The icing, he has a dimple on his right cheek! I tried to teach him "I do what I want," I thought it would come to him naturally (as most children of that age do in fact do what they want)...but it is more of a work in progress. Don't worry, I haven't joined the dark side...as they haven't yet invented a self-cleaning baby.

I am bored at work, just thinking about my bus B, who luckily is back to his usual routine. Wrote a little verse...I thought it was the most appropriate way to express my feelings.

Ode to a Bus B:
You ride the bus, with all of us
Your mother...I'd rather not discuss
I will ignore, this polite chore
Me friendly?...certainly not anymore
You are not fly, don't even try
I promise...you will never be my guy
Please go away, no more to say
Go hunt deer...just find a new prey!

PS: Joester is my new Blog B

Due to an inability to leave my template as is for more than an hour, I have installed a chat feature that will allow me to chat with visitors to my blog home (notice the button above my title). OMG...why do I feel like I'm trapped in an episode of Star Trek? Could I be this lame? I need to add every unnecessary feature to my site (just wait, I promise to have the most ridiculously pimped out site), I'm thinking rims and hydraulics next!

I'm not anti-friendster...but really, it's so 2 months ago. I recently changed my photo on friendster, and after the deluge of PMs I got, immediately changed it back. I decided that since I am NOT using friendster as a dating service - no offense if YOU are...actually offense, you're a big tool (you and Carson Daly and Avril Levigne...please move to Canada immediately) - I am much better off with a more incog photo. I would like to give a special shout out to Joe, among others, for saying what we all already know...I am fly. But Joe, it would never work out, you and Jenn are engaged! So my future on friendster? I have enough crazy stalkers...and as for those people from highschool I haven't kept in touch with...yeah, I'd really rather not talk to them!

I should not be left in the office unsupervised! If complaining about your job were a job, I'd be all set...until then I secretly construct paperclip nooses, hoping to someday end my suffering. If this job didn't pay so well...damn, I'm such a money whore!

Have decided it may be time to join Blogaholics anonymous, as I have woken in the middle of the night struck with an idea to add to my template...which OBVIOUSLY needs to be implemented right this second. I know I have a problem, I just can't stop! Midnight analogy...blogspot is to friendster, as cocaine is to crack. That's right, slightly more socially acceptable, but let's face it...you're just on the opposite side of the same crooked road!

I've decided that the Fed-Ex man is the modern version of the milkman...delivering all around the world instead of just the block, what a slut! At my office, we receive regular Fed-Ex deliveries...the transaction is never complete without Mr. Fed-Ex making some sort of overture towards me. Today was no different, under the guise of recommending a new restaurant, I am sure he was stealthily planning a clandestine meeting. To prevent him from following me on my lunch break, I made sure to pop one of his tires with the metal nail file I carry for manicure/stalker emergencies.

Another encounter with bus B (see 10-22 entry). At first I thought he had the day off, was sick, or maybe just thrown off by the time change since he wasn't at my/his stop this morning. Oddly enough, he boarded the bus about a mile down the road. This confirms my theory that he walks an extra mile every morning just to stand in my general vicinity, all the while desperately hoping to have a conversation with me (e.g. he sneezes, and I say "bless you"). After he boarded, and while I struggled to avoid any semblance of eye contact, he chose the seat directly behind me. More unnerving, he proceeded to sniffle for the entire ride. I can only conclude that he A) was, not so covertly, trying to smell my hair, or B) my blatant disinterest has driven him to a nasty coke habit.

My sister's parrotlet, Loco, indulges his penchant for voyeurism by showering with various members of my family. (NB: while only 5 inches tall, and kind of a brat really, we probably like him more than each other... even when he bites!) His usual MO is to perch on the towel rack, and chirp gleefully while you shower (I am convinced he believes I'm dancing to his soundtrack, rather than just shampooing). He gets really into his little jam session too, occasionally he'll even close his eyes (a la About a Boy, in truth I'd sooner believe he's enjoying his own Calgon moment: presumably imagining himself in a South American rainforest rather than the K family shower). To the point: my last experience with the little blue peep left me feeling quite offended. After a minute or so in the shower with me, he stopped singing, turned 180 degrees to face the wall, and then resumed his operetta. Left to draw my own conclusions, I can only surmise it may be time to hit the gym!